The World of being a Step-Mum - Part 2
Steps to recognizing your need to set boundaries.
You fell in love with a father or mother with children, and then you fell in love with the children. Becoming a step-mum is one of the hardest things you will go through as a stepparent. It is also one of the most amazing journeys you will go through.
You are parenting children with their father or mother, children that are not your biological child or adopted child, but you love them unconditionally and would do anything for them. Believe me, they know this, and that is all you need to know.
Remember, you are doing amazing, by doing your best every day. You are enough, you are loved, and deserving of respect, and of having a voice. You are creating stability with your partner, their father, and together you are empowering the stepchildren in your life.
What I want to talk about in this blog are boundaries. I was never particularly good at setting boundaries and never found them as important as I do now in my life. They have literally saved my life. They have added so much self-love into my world, which then goes into my family’s life & hearts.
When I first came into my stepdaughters’ life, I felt like I needed a vacation after a weekend! I mean, I loved it, but I was exhausted! This is coming from a woman that had no previous children. It was like one day Ta-Da you have an instant family! I found myself exhausted and not fully taking care of myself.
An important thing to mention is that my husband is a team player, and we do things together. We conquer things under our roof to create stability, love, listening, respect, date nights, and adventure together with the girls and on our own.
There are 10 questions to ask yourself, and your answers will lead you to recognize where you need to set boundaries as a stepparent, even if you start by answering 1 of the below questions & come back 3 weeks later to answer another:
Where does anxiety or feelings of being overwhelmed show up?
What have you given up?
What are you not saying?
Do you own your feelings?
Where do you need more “me time”?
What makes you angry?
What do you need to let go of?
Are you constantly going against what you value?
Where do I need help?
Are you saying “yes” to everything? Where do you need to say “no” more?
Over the last 4 years, I have become a boundary-setting warrior, and so has my husband. This process has led us to more quality time, less stress, letting go of things that do not serve us, and setting a terrific example for the girls. We are still a work in progress, but we are SOOOO much further than we were 4 years ago!
If you want to know more about setting boundaries, and want this stability in your life, whether you are a stepparent or going through a life transition, I am here for you. Reach out and set up a complimentary conversation. Let’s start your journey towards setting boundaries and living with less stress and more fulfillment, adventure, self-compassion, and making time to pursue the dreams you want to bring to life!
Sending compassion your way,
Coach Sarah Freeman
