The World of Being a Step-Mum: Part 1
You have just entered the world of being a step-mum from the viewpoint of Step-mum Sarah Freeman. I never thought I would become a step-mum until I fell in love with an incredible man/father that has two daughters. I never had any children of my own, not because I could not, but it was a personal choice. Would I have kids now? Heck yes! In saying that, I have two amazing stepdaughters, and every day I am grateful for both of them. And considering at this point in my life, this now makes me feel content.
I remember the day I met both girls. It was winter, and they came to visit. The room filled with so much laughter and joy. They were wondering who the heck this woman was at their dad’s but were oh so curious. The youngest had the curliest hair and could not stop moving, like a leaf blowing around in the wind. Then there was the older beautiful girl; she could not stop giggling. She went into the bathroom and giggled, then ran out to see what I was all about and proceeded to giggle some more! Amazing! Days became weeks, weeks became months, and years became years. From the day I met my stepdaughters, they have taught me to be playful, not to take things so seriously, and laugh a lot more. And I mean those deep belly laughs where you think you are going to pee your pants! They have also taught me patience, love, trust, and to just be me, all of me.
Just like when my mum & dad brought me up, I have had to deal with all of the similar things, but as a stepparent! Everything from making lunch, taking care of the girls when they were sick, making sure they have the clothes they need, swimming, horseback riding, skiing, hiking, biking, heart to heart talks, cuddles to warm their hearts, cleaning up their puke, wiping away their tears, and driving to and from school. The list goes on, and I think you get the point. I don’t do this alone. I have a husband, their dad, that works with me. Together we are a team and do our best every day.
I have realized being a step-mum is not easy. You are parenting two children with your husband that are not your biological children. But even so, I was NEVER made to feel unwelcome, unappreciated, unloved, or untrusted, EVER, by my husband, stepchildren or immediate family & friends. I have been welcomed since day one with open arms into this incredible family with unconditional love, which I gave right back. I jumped wholeheartedly into being step-mum like this was my purpose for some time. This wonderful gift of two girls landed in my lap, literally. From day one, I was me, all of me, what you saw was what you got, and apparently, this is what was precisely needed.
The things I have learned, and still learning about being a step-mum, is setting boundaries!! If you do not have these for yourself, you will burn yourself out. You need time for you, and you need boundaries outside of the house as well when it involves co-parenting with another party. You also need to know that you are doing your best, and you are enough. Just keep being you and try not to take on the heavy shit that is out of your control. You are part of this family for a reason. I know I am; my husband loves me for who I am, my compassionate heart, and the girls also love me unconditionally.
You will have days where you feel defeated and need to have a big cry, but you will get through. Love is grand, and you need to be honest with yourself and your family. Keep being you and gentle to yourself, and never leave that behind. If you have dreams, goals, and passions, do them! Don’t put these aside. You will empower your family even more by showing them what you love, being honest, bringing realness into your family.
I know everyone has their story about being a step-mum; this is only part of mine. I would not give these two girls up for the world. I know they will continue to teach me things that I’ve never thought about, and for this, I am forever grateful for every day. Being a step-mum has taught me how to let go of things that are no longer serving me, and I find myself not holding onto stuff as much.
Be you, keep loving yourself, listen to your step-children they want to be heard & seen, and your stepchildren will see the beautiful amazing you.
Go with a brave heart, & bold vibe
Sarah Freeman Coaching
